In the past few months a have felt a slew of emotions…
angry, confused, hopeful, upset, happy, excited, grateful.. You name it; I more
than likely experienced it one way or another. My life has definitely been one
worth living… and I wouldn’t do-over anything if I could. I look back at all
the different “stages” I’ve been through… the different friend “groups” I hung
around… the different attitudes I picked up along the way… and all I can say is
I am one bull-headed, straight-forward, loving, human being. I have been
knocked to the ground more than enough times, stabbed in the back by more than
enough friends, and just completely “lost” more than I wish I had been. I’ve
seen a lot of people come and go, some for the better, some for the worst… I
have also experience some of the most incredible moments, met a few of the
amazing friends I’ll cherish forever, and have two jobs I wouldn’t trade for
the world… and all of it has brought me here, to this moment.
When I left college, (left, as in I didn’t graduate.) I went
straight into Cosmetology school, my dream, my passion. One of the BEST decisions
I’ve ever made. I couldn’t have picked a better school to attend. I met so many
people in my 11 month journey, a few I am still friends with, and a few who
taught me things along the way. During that journey I met a guy and experienced
my most serious relationship yet. One that had it’s up & downs for sure,
and one that I will never forget. Sadly, it wasn’t a relationship that worked
out in the end, however one that has showed me a whole new outlook on life. As
I went through Cosmetology school and learned that my passion had grown more
than I ever thought possible, I was learning things about myself and how I
viewed life and its experiences. I am an observant person, and that is an
understatement. I see people deeper than the surface, and I am the worst at
making quick judgment. I don’t let my guard down, and I make it VERY obvious. I’m
not an easy person to get to know, trust me, I hear all about it. Far too many
times I’ve been called “intimidating”, “Aftyn, you need to be a little nicer to
the new people, they find you intimidating.” To me, I wasn’t being mean; I just
wasn’t opening up to them. I also hear, “I didn’t know how I felt about you at
first, but now that I understand you, I totally get it!” which is exactly how
most people would describe me. I believe in “Quality over quantity”, I would
rather have a small, really close group of friends, than a huge amount that I
have to sort through. I must say that when I care, I care hard. I would do absolutely anything for the ones I care about the most. I will stick up for friends or family in times that are necessary. There are only a few close friends who have seen me in my
deepest skin. I put up this barrier and keep everything to myself. Seriously, for
some reason I think if no one sees me upset, than I am doing just fine. I have
learned in the past few months that your friends and family have to see you at
your worst. They have to be able to get to your deepest level and understand
what’s going on. The past year I had built up so much anger, frustration, sadness
and confusion that I lost who I was. I wasn’t happy, but I didn’t do anything
about it. I lived each day thinking it was a new day and everything would
change for the better. Wrong. You eventually learn that nothing is going to
change unless you make it change.
I lost a relationship that showed me so many new doors in
life. I learned more things about myself in 3.5 years, than I had in almost 23
years. (That I can remember ;))
I’ve learned what makes me happy and what makes me tick. I’ve learned what’s
important to me, and what isn’t worth a fight. I’ve learned where I want to be
in life, and that I won’t let anyone bring me down. I’ve learned that I have to
be open to my closest friends and family, and understand what is going to be
best for me in the long-run. I’ve learned that it’s important to see people for
who they are, and try to understand people that I wouldn’t normally get along
with.
So I can’t help but sit here and be so INCREDIBLY happy with
where I have ended up. I couldn’t be more thankful for the people who have
stood by my side through it all. I am constantly hearing how much happier I
look, how much healthier I look. How my attitude is all around more positive. I
am running my own business, all while working full-time with an incredible “family”. I am turning 23 soon and can’t help but look
at my successful life, and smile. I have what I need... a booming business, a
loyal job, friends who love me for who I am and a family that would go to the
moon and back for me.
Oh, and I have experienced unconditional love... for my furry, four-legged little boy. He is my everything, my main man, my rock. For real, no one is ever as excited as he is to see me. He is constantly following me around, wondering what I am doing, needing to be close to me or touching me when I sit down, and he steels my pillow... EVERY night! I love him to pieces and can't even imagine my life without him.
Oh, and I have experienced unconditional love... for my furry, four-legged little boy. He is my everything, my main man, my rock. For real, no one is ever as excited as he is to see me. He is constantly following me around, wondering what I am doing, needing to be close to me or touching me when I sit down, and he steels my pillow... EVERY night! I love him to pieces and can't even imagine my life without him.
So if I had to write a letter to my life, it would say “Dear
life, you ROCK!”
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