It's one of those times.
One of those times when I need to sit back and re-focus all my thoughts, and re-group my situations. This past week or so I have been in such a rut. So much so that I just plain and simple haven't been happy. I take everything out on everyone around me. I take words wrong, actions wrong, turn situations in 12 different directions, and just sit here and crawl in my own skin. I want to scream because EVERYTHING seems to be so -out of place-.
"So you're standing in the middle of the thunder and lightening,
I know you're feeling like you just can't win, but you're trying.
It's hard to keep on keepin' on, when you're being pushed around.
Don't ever know which way is up, you just keep spinning down, 'round, down..."
I needed a night with a good friend. Not my mom, not my boyfriend, and not my dog. Just a night with a good friend who won't judge, won't tell me I'm wrong, won't try to steer me one way or another... Just a friend who will listen and understand. So that's what I did tonight. It wasn't even a night of sitting there for 3 hours and complaining about everything I could run through my head, it was just a night to get out, and when & if something got brought up, we went from there. It was the best thing I needed. It reminded me that I'm not the only person who runs into ruts. I'm not the only person who feels like I screwed up somewhere along the way, and got lost. I'm not the only person who needs to "get a grip". I get so frustrated that I bury everything inside. I find places in me that I didn't even know I had, to bury feelings. I eventually hit a point that I have no hiding places left. No where else inside of me to keep these feelings. And BAMMMMM just like that, it all comes piling out at once. I feel like there is no where to go from that point and that's when I need to {re-focus} & {re-group}.
"So hold your head up and tell yourself that there's something more,
Just put your feet up to the edge, put your face in the wind.
And when you fall back down, keep on rememberin"
Tonight reminded me that I have incredible people in my life. Seriously, the best. I have chosen the BEST career for myself as a hairstylist. I have taken a leap and decided to start my own photography business and have been successful thus far. I have my family and friends who support me with each decision I make, whether it be something they love or not. And sure, I have people in my life who don't support me, and who put me down, and do a damn good job of showing how much they don't care, and honestly, I don't need those of you. One thing is certain, I am who I am, and that's never going to change. I am not going anywhere. I have found exactly where I want to be!
"Every storm runs, runs out of rain.
Just like every dark night, turns into day.
Every heartache will fade away,
Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain."
Sometimes all we need is a little boost, a little inspiration, and little encouragement that "every little thing, is gonna be alight". It's one of the hardest things a person can do; realize what's wrong and what needs to change, and make it happen! I need to find a way to be better at not burying every little thing that bothers me and keep it to myself. I try to put it away, and move past it, when sometimes, it's something that bothers me enough I really should get it off my chest at that time. I need to find a way to put aside whatever is going on, and not let it affect the people in my life. Maybe I just need a good ol' bubble bath and glass of wine once a week! ;)
"It's gonna run out of pain,
it's gonna run out of sting.
It's gonna leave you alone,
it's gonna set you free."
I was able to {re-focus} & {re-group} tonight and I feel SO much better! Tomorrow is a new day, and I plan to take full advantage of it! We are headed to Colorado next Wednesday bright and early for a week in the mountains! We will be there for Valentines day, and I must say, it will probably be the most romantic valentines day up to this point! ;) As much as I will HATE(!!) leaving my baby Zou behind for 5 days, I am really excited for this chance to get away! My brothers amazing girlfriend, Haley, will be staying with Zou and taking care of him for us while we're gone. I don't even know how I can thank her enough!
We all just need a few more nights like this... hay bale races like we are little kids! Maybe if we all just let the inner kid come out, we could all be just a little more happy! :)
Song lyrics: "Every Storm (runs out of rain)" by Gary Allen.
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